Edgar of all trades

Part 1 can be read here.

Based on a meme where someone used a site to play two youtube videos together. Usher’s Papers and a goat. I wrote a back-story for Billy, the goat.

*Apologies for my international friends that cannot view the videos, try finding Usher’s Papers on youtube and replace the one that doesn’t work.

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Part 2 (remix)

It was his birthday party. Eleven years old. Almost not a kid anymore, his beard had started to grow early in the year. Best of all, Billy had just come home from winning the school talent show at West Side Elementary in Marietta. Seventh grade was going very well, and now Maria, the most beautiful twelve-year-old in school was at his party.

“Maaah!” Exclaimed Billy, seeing Maria entering the Showbiz Pizza on Roswell Road in East Lake Plaza. She had on a turquoise tank top and a black leather tube skirt.

“Billy!” Maria returned, loving the nickname Billy gave her the first day of school.

“Maaah, maaah… maaah?”

“Yes, Billy, I saw you win the talent show, great choice by the way. Love Shack.” in between the love shows at this place, the box set television was on Star Search. A show that showcases young talent, a competition. Two enter the stage, one goes home.

“Everyone get ready for the show.” said some random low-wage employee. Fake electronic animals started dancing around the stage and singing some banjo song. Billy, Maria, and the rest of the party watched. When it was over, the television turned back to the Star Search.

On television a new young boy came on. Ed McMahon said “and now, I present to you, young thirteen year old Usher Raymond, everybody, here to sing ‘End of the Road’ by Boys II Men.” young Billy the goat had never heard someone sing like that before. Neither had Maria, for her eyes stayed glued to the television set and no matter what Billy tried, she would not respond. Then, she fainted.

In the kitchen, which is kept tidy most of the time, for the manager at this particular Showbiz pizza was very strict except when Star Search was on, things were being left out on the counters instead of put away properly. It was their favorite show and everyone watched. Their recent shipping of tomato sauce was a strange one. The container used with this shipment was different. The cans were thicker. Stronger. While refilling their tomato container from the metal cans, Billy’s parents entered the kitchen, for as frugal parents go, they know they can get away with having their dinner from the kitchen garbage.

“Maaah?” asked Bill Lee, Billy’s father.

“Yes, Bill, I see the cans of tomato on the counter, should I get them for us?” replied Martha, Billy’s mom. Bill nodded, and they ensconced with two tomato cans.

The next morning the manager at Showbiz Pizza received a phone call. “Listen, we have a problem. With that little girl fainting, and the freak metal can-eating accident, we will not be able to support the lawsuits.”

“What is the update on them anyway?” asked the concerned manager.

“The girl is fine, but we could still be sued for stress, people sue for less. The other two, we should worry about. They survived, but will be ailing and in need of medical attention. We can’t sustain that. If this Bill Lee Goat and his wife sue. The lawyers came up with a plan. They can’t sue if we change our name. We need to rebrand. From this point on, we will be called Chuck E. Cheese’s Pizza.”

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“What did you say your name was?” asked Usher.

“Maaah.” responded Billy. They stepped out of the restaurant and towards the limo that was waiting.

As they neared the long black vehicle, Usher turned to Billy and mentioned, “Billy, I want you to meet my lady, she’s waiting inside.” but before they could get close enough to the door, it opened.

“Oh my lawd, Billy!” it was Maria.

“Maaah?” was all Billy could say. He was shocked. He hadn’t seen her since College. There she was, with her arms around him. He forgot himself for a second and breathed her in. Realizing Usher was right next to them, he remembered where he was, and what he needed to do.

Kill Usher.

To be continued…

The latest sensation, in my mind, is this mashup on youtubedoubler of an Usher song and a goat.

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Billy the goat worked as a fry cook at Aunt B’s Restaurant on Canton Highway in Marietta, Georgia. Late summer last year, Usher stopped in for lunch one Monday. It wasn’t busy and as he sat on one of the stools instead of taking a table, he got to talking with his server. Billy was in the kitchen doing his thing and listening to the radio.

Opting for some breakfast for lunch, the server took her ticket and hung it in the ticket wheel by the window to the kitchen. Billy the goat took the order and noticed Usher, recognizing him right away. Deciding right then and there, he would bring out the food and try to audition for him.

See, ever since Billy was a kid, he knew he wanted to be a star. He even won several awards in school talent shows. Billy ultimately was forced to take a job to support his ailing parents. They were involved in a freak metal can-eating accident.

As the pancakes were finished, along with a side of sausage and grits, Billy prepared himself, ensured his beard was straight and took the food out to the counter.

“Maaah” said Billy trying not to sound too eager. “Maaah.”

Usher looked at him. Stared. Then, he said “What the hell?”

“Maaah.” Billy could not believe what he was saying, “Maaah, maaah!” He was going for it, this was the point of no return. Might as well do it. Might as well ask. “Maaah?”

Usher’s mouth was open, he looked stunned. He sat there on the stool next to the counter, right by the blueberry pie in glass. He blinked. Took a breath and let it out. “Very well, show me what you got, goat.”

“Maaah!” Billy for the second time in five minutes could not believe. He was auditioning for THE Usher! “Maaah, maaah, maaah. Maaah.” He hoped he was in tune.

“Stop, goat. I’ve heard enough.” said Usher, bobbing his head slightly. “Lemme eat my food, I have a song I’d like you to collaborate on with me.” He shoved a spoonful of grits in his mouth. “What did you say your name was?”

“Maaah.”

To be continued…