When the late King Alband III had gone into the long cold sleep in a manner queerly
Five years after King Alband III, Belrand’s father, had gone into the long cold sleep in a manner queerly suspect leaving son as King, the young mage by some means defeated and consolidated all of the Gnomish Eronon and now, but three lunar cycles later, the warmachine is being readied. A map with the latest updated information lay across the table between he and his generals. On the left lay Eronon with city points and troop strengths. On the right, past the Lycernian Sea, lay Garns. What information bought through the traders added to that side of the map.

The various realms of Garns did not know what awaited them. Soon they would be ruled by King Belrand.

In a nondescript northern village within Garns, Edgar awoke with a start. War is coming. There was a sense of dread. He knew what he had to do. With the rest of the realm in turmoil, there was only one force he could turn to. The Unicorn Kingdom in South Garns. Edgar needed to make leave quick.

To Be Continued… Below is a preview of the EPIC battle.

This drawing was commissioned and paid for. Check out the artist on twitter @RemyKat and visit her blog, http://remykat.weebly.com/. Thanks Remy!

Short URL: http://is.gd/UnicornsVSGnomes

This hilarious parody of Bruno Mars’ club hit Grenade, was written and directed by Payman Benz. Payman is of Awkward Pictures, which includes Sean Becker, and known for their comedic genius.

Payman approached me a while back wanting to set up a website with his videos and information about him. A very simple site was what he wanted.

I quickly suggested he should seek out wordpress templates, which he took to heart because I started getting links to templates he liked. “Can you make some changes to this template? Is that hard?” were some of the companion questions I’d get.

I’ve had about a good hour max of facetime with Payman in the past so I didn’t really know him too well. I am a fan of his work, and he’s heard of me through Sean and the work I do for The Guild. I quickly realized that this man has his head on straight. Particularly with what he wants with his site. Perfect!

Ultimately, he found the template which did what he wanted and had the basic look he needed. He also asked me if I could work on this and get it done by today. He had a new music video he was uploading and wanted to coincide his site launch with it. I said, “Sure!”

Payman sent me everything I asked for. And even stuff I didn’t. He gave me good quality photos for his thumbnails and a list of his videos, separated into the categories he wanted. He even went as far as create photoshop mock images of his site. The man made things SUPER easy for me to set up.

The other reason for this blog post is because I came across an issue while working on this template. Half of Payman’s videos are on Funny or Die. That website is usually not supported in plugins or anything video-related. YouTube, Vimeo, self-hosted files, is usually as far as they go. This template was the same. I looked at the functions, and figured out how it worked and actually added support for FoD. It also came with prettyPhoto, a javascript library for opening up lightbox-like views of pictures and videos. I added FoD support for that as well.

It felt good to be able to do something like that, and do quickly also. I remember back in the days when I would spend hours trying to dissect code for Felicia or The Guild to fix something or make it work how we needed it.

Anyway, http://paymanbenz.com is up. Check it out. Watch Payman’s old content on there, I spent some of my time last night going through it. Some I hadn’t ever seen before, while some I had seen many times over. Feel free to comment by clicking on the title of a video and going to the page.

Thanks Payman for giving me the opportunity to help you with something creative, and then making the whole experience pretty phenomenal.

Short URL: http://is.gd/GRENADE

Let me set the stage up, earlier tonight four women calling themselves Team Unicorn released this video on break.com. Watch it if you haven’t seen it and make your own opinions about it.

Here are their names linked to their twitter feeds:

Team Unicorn: @TeamUnicornFTW
Michele Boyd: @MicheleBoyd
Clare Grant: @ClareGrant
Milynn Sarley: @TheGamerChick
Rileah Vanderbilt: @Rileah

After watching the music video, I want to quote the description provided by Break, I believe:

This music video parody proves Geek and Gamer Girls really do exist. Extra geek cred for appearances by a rapping Seth Green, Battlestar Galactica’s Katee Sackhoff and Stan Lee.

Lyrics and mp3 available here: http://brk.to/gamergirlsong

Team Unicorn – http://www.facebook.com/TeamUnicornFTW

From what I can see, most people loved this parody. There were a few people that did not like the direction this video took. I wanted to address these issues, I will not name names, I just want to discuss some points I saw brought up and give my take on the video and why I believe it should not be dismissed the way some have. I will also say that I do not at all harbor any negative feelings towards anyone, everyone is entitled to their opinions and I respect that. Don’t hate me!

The main issue that was brought up was that the women in the video are all beautiful and do not represent gamer girls because they come in all shapes and sizes.

Someone brought up a good video that discusses sexualizing women in the gaming culture. Watch it here.

Admittedly, it’s a bit unfair to point fingers. A lot of these girls may be legit gamers who just enjoy flaunting what they got, and it would be really unfair for me to demand that they set a good example.

From the video linked right above. He goes on to say:

but at the same time we have so few other types of female presences in gaming and this can’t be helping either gender feel more comfortable with one another in the game space. And women feel alienated, men feel manipulated, I’m just saying…

Felicia Day recently posted a blog post on her well maintained website [self reference har har] titled Women in Tech. Within it she links several articles that are very good reads on the gender subject.

Team Unicorn is a group of women who are friends, geeks, gamers, actresses and all happen to be beautiful women. Also, they’re a group. Like a troupe.

Comments like “they’re all beautiful” and “they don’t represent all geek and gamer girls” would be factual statements. They’re not saying they represent all geek and gamer girls. They’re not even saying they’re beautiful. Sure, they’re showing it and practically saying it on their video, but the video itself is a parody. Parodies are done over the top. The song is basically California Gurls by Katy Parry feat Snoop, only with their own lyrics.

The thing that made me blog tonight were the comments that basically suggested adding “variety” because the girls are all beautiful. That really sounds to me like they’re saying “Add some ugly girls” which just sounds absurd. Team Unicorn has four members. They all appeared in this parody. If other people joined them, they’ll appear in future things they work on, I am sure. What is this need to say geek and gamer girls have to be frumpy? If they want to wear makeup or heels or whatever “girly” thing they want, it is their prerogative.

As part of the parody, they had what has normally been the “norm” of geekdom, the nerdy guys. You don’t see male models, like myself I might add, complaining that buff guys were not represented. Yes, this is a weak argument, I will move on, I just wanted to call myself a buff model type.

The origin of their troup/group name, Team Unicorn, is in their press release – “Geek girls are like unicorns: technically they don’t exist – except in this awesome musical parody by Team Unicorn!” again lampooning the fact that the “norm” is that girl geek/gamers are a myth.

Another issue that was brought up was using Seth Green, Katee Sackhoff, and Stan Lee. Seth is married to one of these women, but he himself is considered in the realm of the Geek due to his various projects and because he himself is a geek. Katee, of BSG fame, well, BSG. Stan, good old Stan represents the comics, a staple of Geekery. A parody tends to be much more parodier with celebs.

Something else that kinda grinds my gears is if it were a voluptuous woman or a “plainer” woman playing the sexy in a video, she would be cheered as a geek champion, but oh no, these four beautiful women can’t represent geeks or gamers because they… what? They’re too beautiful? This is what I see. This is my main gripe with the people that were complaining about this video. This is the same issue as me not being a male lead in a movie or an tv show because I am fat and wear glasses… well, also because I haven’t tried auditioning for one, but you know what I mean… why can’t they be what they claim they are?

A friend asked a very good question, something like “What if it were a bunch of male models representing geeks, would you be ok with it?” Yes. Yes I would. Are they geeks? Because, Michele, Milynn, Clare, and Rileah are. If four six-packed male model-types had their own little parody music video, I would be ok with it. Mainstream has had a fun time of telling us that real life is about mostly good looking people while the rest are delegated to the side-kick or comedic relief, but does that mean that we should quickly attack people because they aren’t “ugly” enough?

The last point I will focus on is a comment that basically said, “I admire people who don’t feel they have to sexualize themselves to get fans”. To the person that actually said it, I am not trying to single you out here, it is just that you made a very good point and I felt it was worth exploring here. We’re dealing with four rather intelligent women, in this Team Unicorn. Personally, I know Michele has a Science degree in Neurobiology, Physiology and Behavior. I am sure they knew there was a pot and it would be stirred. They are actresses. They live off fans. Fact of life. More people will know of them now. Yes, other people either don’t or keep “the sexy” to a minimum. Someone was mentioned in this comment specifically who has done what the commenter suggested she hadn’t. It was argued by others privately that one instance was a character, and the other was purely a parody and also used a variety of “types” of people, but the fact remains that sometimes sexy is a device used in comedy. I am sorry for the vagueness but I want to keep the focus here and not really make comparisons even though I kinda am.

Controversy is a good thing sometimes, especially to garner a base of fans. Sure, it could be viewed as a negative thing, but again, I personally think their video was expertly done, their lyrics were on par, and they definitely flaunted their beauty, and their geekness. In this parody music video, they were representing themselves. Ladies, maybe you want to make your own parody video in which you’ll represent your own self. I promise I won’t complain about there not being “beautiful girls” in it. Odds are, you are beautiful and you just don’t know it.

Yes, Michele is my friend, and I do support her, and her friends, in everything they do. I may be biased because of this, or because I myself am a male and may not understand what it really means to be a geek girl or a gamer girl or both. I am a geek. I am a gamer. I have scoffed in the past because of similar attempts of getting my attention with the beautiful women doing the geek things, but when I know they are the real deal, and they are doing a parody music video to boot, what’s the harm in that? They are proud of being healthy. They are proud of being girls. They are proud of being geeks. They are proud of being gamers.

And I am proud of them.

The end.

Based on a meme where someone used a site to play two youtube videos together. Usher’s Papers and a goat. I wrote a back-story for Billy, the goat.

*Apologies for my international friends that cannot view the videos, try finding Usher’s Papers on youtube and replace the one that doesn’t work.

****

Part 2 (remix)

It was his birthday party. Eleven years old. Almost not a kid anymore, his beard had started to grow early in the year. Best of all, Billy had just come home from winning the school talent show at West Side Elementary in Marietta. Seventh grade was going very well, and now Maria, the most beautiful twelve-year-old in school was at his party.

“Maaah!” Exclaimed Billy, seeing Maria entering the Showbiz Pizza on Roswell Road in East Lake Plaza. She had on a turquoise tank top and a black leather tube skirt.

“Billy!” Maria returned, loving the nickname Billy gave her the first day of school.

“Maaah, maaah… maaah?”

“Yes, Billy, I saw you win the talent show, great choice by the way. Love Shack.” in between the love shows at this place, the box set television was on Star Search. A show that showcases young talent, a competition. Two enter the stage, one goes home.

“Everyone get ready for the show.” said some random low-wage employee. Fake electronic animals started dancing around the stage and singing some banjo song. Billy, Maria, and the rest of the party watched. When it was over, the television turned back to the Star Search.

On television a new young boy came on. Ed McMahon said “and now, I present to you, young thirteen year old Usher Raymond, everybody, here to sing ‘End of the Road’ by Boys II Men.” young Billy the goat had never heard someone sing like that before. Neither had Maria, for her eyes stayed glued to the television set and no matter what Billy tried, she would not respond. Then, she fainted.

In the kitchen, which is kept tidy most of the time, for the manager at this particular Showbiz pizza was very strict except when Star Search was on, things were being left out on the counters instead of put away properly. It was their favorite show and everyone watched. Their recent shipping of tomato sauce was a strange one. The container used with this shipment was different. The cans were thicker. Stronger. While refilling their tomato container from the metal cans, Billy’s parents entered the kitchen, for as frugal parents go, they know they can get away with having their dinner from the kitchen garbage.

“Maaah?” asked Bill Lee, Billy’s father.

“Yes, Bill, I see the cans of tomato on the counter, should I get them for us?” replied Martha, Billy’s mom. Bill nodded, and they ensconced with two tomato cans.

The next morning the manager at Showbiz Pizza received a phone call. “Listen, we have a problem. With that little girl fainting, and the freak metal can-eating accident, we will not be able to support the lawsuits.”

“What is the update on them anyway?” asked the concerned manager.

“The girl is fine, but we could still be sued for stress, people sue for less. The other two, we should worry about. They survived, but will be ailing and in need of medical attention. We can’t sustain that. If this Bill Lee Goat and his wife sue. The lawyers came up with a plan. They can’t sue if we change our name. We need to rebrand. From this point on, we will be called Chuck E. Cheese’s Pizza.”

****

“What did you say your name was?” asked Usher.

“Maaah.” responded Billy. They stepped out of the restaurant and towards the limo that was waiting.

As they neared the long black vehicle, Usher turned to Billy and mentioned, “Billy, I want you to meet my lady, she’s waiting inside.” but before they could get close enough to the door, it opened.

“Oh my lawd, Billy!” it was Maria.

“Maaah?” was all Billy could say. He was shocked. He hadn’t seen her since College. There she was, with her arms around him. He forgot himself for a second and breathed her in. Realizing Usher was right next to them, he remembered where he was, and what he needed to do.

Kill Usher.

To be continued…

****

Billy the goat worked as a fry cook at Aunt B’s Restaurant on Canton Highway in Marietta, Georgia. Late summer last year, Usher stopped in for lunch one Monday. It wasn’t busy and as he sat on one of the stools instead of taking a table, he got to talking with his server. Billy was in the kitchen doing his thing and listening to the radio.

Opting for some breakfast for lunch, the server took her ticket and hung it in the ticket wheel by the window to the kitchen. Billy the goat took the order and noticed Usher, recognizing him right away. Deciding right then and there, he would bring out the food and try to audition for him.

See, ever since Billy was a kid, he knew he wanted to be a star. He even won several awards in school talent shows. Billy ultimately was forced to take a job to support his ailing parents. They were involved in a freak metal can-eating accident.

As the pancakes were finished, along with a side of sausage and grits, Billy prepared himself, ensured his beard was straight and took the food out to the counter.

“Maaah” said Billy trying not to sound too eager. “Maaah.”

Usher looked at him. Stared. Then, he said “What the hell?”

“Maaah.” Billy could not believe what he was saying, “Maaah, maaah!” He was going for it, this was the point of no return. Might as well do it. Might as well ask. “Maaah?”

Usher’s mouth was open, he looked stunned. He sat there on the stool next to the counter, right by the blueberry pie in glass. He blinked. Took a breath and let it out. “Very well, show me what you got, goat.”

“Maaah!” Billy for the second time in five minutes could not believe. He was auditioning for THE Usher! “Maaah, maaah, maaah. Maaah.” He hoped he was in tune.

“Stop, goat. I’ve heard enough.” said Usher, bobbing his head slightly. “Lemme eat my food, I have a song I’d like you to collaborate on with me.” He shoved a spoonful of grits in his mouth. “What did you say your name was?”

“Maaah.”

To be continued…

Amy Guth, while writing for ChicagoNow‘s Chicago Subtext, had some badass mini flash fiction contests. She would provide an image of some random thing and have us write a ‘complete story” in 100 words or less. I wrote about it on this blog in September.

As I said, I love writing, and as part of the Year of the Edgar movement, I need to push myself to write more. I could just sit down and do it, but I want to try something similar to the flash fiction.

I want you to help me write some short stories. Either email the requests to edgar at edgargarcia dot com or post them as a comment below. I will not be limiting myself to 100 words or less, although I will make them as brief as possible. Your rules. i only ask that you not give me inappropriate guidelines. I reserve the right to reject a request, also, whatever is given to me is assumed to be given to me as being my property for legal purposes, although just contact me if you wish to discuss legalities and such, I’m just a tiny blog anyway.

The point is, give me as much information about what you want me to write about as you want. A character, a word, an item, a genre, use certain word or words or items in a story… its endless. Again, don’t limit me to a certain number of words (like “it has to be under 100 words”). I will try to write the stories as small as I can. I may even get creative and mix multiple ideas into one story. I’d like to get at least five different sources more is better (sources means people, you can send me as many separate ideas as you like but I want a bunch of people to participate so help spread the word.) My plan is to see if I have enough story ideas that I can then post some sort of vote and see which one people want me to elaborate more on. This way you guys get more story/content for free. I may even incorporate more “throw ideas at me” to further the story.

Help me out. I want to write for you guys. What will I write? Its up to you!

Edgar

Well, really I was being silly and I just wanted to make a fool of myself by singing stuff…

I wanted to make up a song and the first thing that came to mind was a parody of Puttin on the Ritz called Puttin up with Fitz. Unfortunately, it came off as an insult, which I quickly fixed (I hope I did) because it wasn’t so at all. It goes with the parody.

At the time @leahjones was featured on a news story in the Chicago Tribune, and we were in the midst of tweetups and lunches with twitter pals (@1god). @BleuCaldwell was setting up some meetups or something through twitter at the time too, I think.

@gar_cia and @ceelos would also complain about a stinky coworker (not @Fitz) that would poop and not properly flush, along with other even more gross things he would do.

My sister had just joined twitter and I joked that her handle @yeseningles was one word but I really knew it was Yes en ingles (Yes in English). I think that properly tells all the inside jokes…

Oh no… Prima Nalgotas… @gar_cia‘s cousin was dubbed Prima Nalgotas and we would, from time to time, ask where she is on twitter “Donde estas Prima Nalgotas?”

For your enjoyment:

Ahhh, the good old days…

Tara and Yuri, you two are so endearing!

Does anyone else have any other cures for the hiccups?

First, check Amy’s biography for her details. She writes the local literary blog, Chicago Subtext, for the Tribune’s Chicago Now blog network. Check out my Chicago Now profile here. This is integral to my post today, though she does so much more with her time.

Amy recently blogged about a writing challenge to write flash fiction, or postcard fiction.

a micro-flash fiction story, a very, very short story, but a whole story

Please go back and read the entries, they were all very interesting. The challenge was she provided us with a picture of a bottlecap with a message inside, and we needed to somehow use it in a 100-word or less complete story.

What follows is my entry:

“This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but with a whimper.” It was the first thing that came to mind as I came to.

As the haze subsided, I took stock of my surroundings. A dark diner. Things strewn about, no windows. What happened? Kitchen’s empty, bathrooms and dining area too.

I headed towards the front door, opened it to a sunset temporarily blinding me and I looked down to see a bottlecap that had, “read Books… not Bottlecaps.”

I thought it odd as I looked up to see a burning city in front of me.

There were many good entries and I was one of four picked, then the audience made it a two-pony race, and I ultimately won.

Amy then posted a second contest. Although I lost, the best part is that I was able to continue my previous story, which was awesome:

No memory of what transpired, I took a step into the burning city. I needed to get my bearings, and fast. No telling what kind of tragedy had transpired.

My first priority was to get back home, it seemed I was several miles north. All of a sudden I remembered. Amy. I was having lunch with Amy.

I crossed street after street wondering where Amy went. Where anyone was. Slowly my memory was returning, and as I turned onto another street, I realized what happened. I saw something.

A road construction sign with the words “BEWARE! ZOMBIES AHEAD.”

Oh crap.

Thanks Amy, I look forward to continuing my story. I wonder what will happen next! Stay tuned!

Oh, by the way, please go to Amy’s posts and add your own flash fiction, using the two items creatively. The two contests are over, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t contribute your own fiction. Follow Amy @amyguth on twitter as well for the next flash fiction. Feel free to post them here as well.

Its my year baby!

2008 is but a memory. I had a wonderful year full of several fun events and meeting new people and just being plain old me. Its been one of the better years in my life and I have no other place to go but up. This year needs to be even better than the last one. Simply because I feel like it and I said so.

I am of the belief that you should be filled with as much confidence as possible. Its better that way. There’s a term called self-fulfilling prophecy, negative people end up making their fears happen. Why can’t positive people end up making their desires come true too? With that in mind, I decided to make this Year of the Edgar. Its obviously a chinese zodiac reference, also, some of the Guildies have, for some reason, been referencing me as “the Edgar”. It all works out!

Here’s the thing… http://yearoftheedgar.com <- this is my new website. It will chronicle my awesome year as well as anyone having great experiences while following my philosophy. There’s even a banner you can add to your website. Please do. I will make me smile greatly if you can use my mug on your website(s).

Welcome to the Year of the Edgar.